Does he feel bad about not calling?

Yes, I like chronicling the dating mishaps of others.  Call me crazy, but it helps to learn from other people's mistakes.

I've got a coworker whom we'll call "Ellen".  She's sort of digging this guy we'll call "Danny".  Ellen works in insurance, Danny works in his family-owned deli, alongside his mother and father.

Initially, Danny was the one paying Ellen attention.  I've noticed firsthand he's a very attentive, laidback, conversational sort of guy.  I assume it goes with the territory of working in a deli.  He and Ellen exchanged numbers last week and were supposed to go see a movie Friday.  Well, Danny didn't call.  And when Ellen called/texted him, she got no response.

This morning she went to the deli to get breakfast, as usual.  Danny's mom (Big Momma) gave her some major 'Tude - capital T and e'rythang.  While Big Momma is a generally pleasant, giving woman, her domineering side is no secret.  We've all seen how she runs her husband and son at the deli (and Ellen strongly suspects Danny still lives at home with her), and her 'tude gave me the impression she's not feeling the idea of Ellen and her son.

So today, Ellen was giving me the rundown about her breakfast experience.  She mentioned Danny was hiding behind the counter, looking somewhat like a kicked puppy.  Aside for that she didn't really pay him any attention (she was still annoyed with him), but as she was telling me about it, she also mentioned "feeling bad" for not saying hello to him (he didn't make an effort to speak to her either).

You know me; I had to ask, "Does he feel bad about not calling?"

For argument's sake, let's say he does live with his mama, and she is unbearable, and she doesn't approve of Ellen - um, so what?  What does that have to do with anything?

I could say that in these hard times, working for his family and living at home with them are economically sound and responsible decisions.  Okay, but I could also point out that any adult in that situation who wants to date and have a sex life needs to establish some realistic expectations - your parents are very likely to fuck it all up.

Mind you, Ellen was only interested in Danny because he seemed like a nice guy.  He's too short for her and she doesn't think he's independent enough, but she was willing to "work with him" because he seemed like a nice guy.  I think that's admirable to a point.  After the no-call, no-show, however, dude should've been fired.

I was appalled but not surprised she was starting to feel bad for him.  I also won't be surprised if she offers him a second chance, despite whatever she says now.  Women tend to do dumb shit like that; we over-sympathize and then we settle.  The guy we're not all that into and who's really not good for us suddenly becomes a charity case we need to forgive and coddle, because "feeling bad" is usually how it begins.  We get stood up, and somehow see that a cue to take one for the team.

Say what???


  1. I have a lot of names for that dude. Ain't nunna dem pleasant. If he's over 20, then WTF?

  2. Because I do want a dating and sex life all I need is a job to help me afford a $300/$400 dollar room. It could be cheaper if I was sharing a room but then I don't trust people like that and I need some privacy.

    This guy right here is just pathetic. I don't try to over-analyze why a guy doesn't talk to me. It's a waste of time and emotional energy. Just move onto the next one.

  3. Here's the nuts and bolts. Some women aren't cut out for the single life or for casual dating. That's why the moment a man pays them a compliment - even when they know he's all wrong for them - they're willing to "work with him."

    The moral of the story is that these two shouldn't have been exchanging numbers in the first place. Danny's shown me attention as well, I've smiled, made chit-chat, and gone about my day. And that's what more women need to do: see it, appreciate it (briefly), and let it go without ever getting its last name or its number.

  4. Fucking momma's boy loser. Run, Ellen, run! Your instincts are leading you right; don't ignore them. Leave that little punk ass baby at home with his mama.

    I think it's great to have a section of TBGC just for posts about dating. I think it's a very healthy topic for sistahs to discuss. Open forums where we can vent and share our thoughts about our dating experiences or lack of them...and why we're either bothered or not bothered by them. It's not like they're conversations we can have in our regular daily lives, because as you said, a LOT of women can't handle being single or casual dating. Here, I can say that I have an aversion to dating and know that it will be received (and likely co-signed) without having to deal with patronizing dialogue from women who think being single is worse than taking care of a man.

    Having said all that, may I contribute some of my posts about dating?

  5. If a guy has a crazy parent that runs his life, that is a deal breaker.


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