I Guess I'm Just Mean Then...

A couple of weeks ago, my brother was moving some furniture with his brother-in-law and friend in my house. The brother-in-law (let’s call him Mark) has been trying to get at me for quite some time. He’s not my type, and more importantly, he doesn’t move the thermostat. I’ve always been courteous to Mark because he’s family by extension, and the only reason why I know he’s been trying to get at me is because my brother laughs about it. I know my brother well enough to know that the following “transcript,” though my words, is an accurate representation of the conversations that take place between them whenever my name comes up. 

Mark: “Hook me up with yo’ sister.”
Brother: “Fuck no, nigga.” 
Mark: “She just what I need.” 
Brother: “Nigga please. Yo’ ass ain’t even in my sister’s league. You can’t keep no job, you ain’t got yo’ own place, and you ain’t got nothin’ to offer her.” 
Mark: “I can give her what she need.” 
Brother: “Yo’ broke ass don’t even know what that is. You can’t pay none of her bills. She got fuckin’ standards.” 

Now being my brother, he’s always been protective of me and has shielded me from guys, especially ones he knows. Not so cool when I was in school, but I do appreciate the loyalty. My brother knows who and what I am, and he’s not afraid to let other guys know that they can’t hang. For the record, I don’t need my brother to run interference because we’re not in high school anymore. I can handle the riff-raff. 

This is what I know for a fact about Mark: 1. He has a criminal record. 2. He’s got a kid. 3. His employment record is spotty. 4. He lives with his parents. 5. He’s in his early 40s. We ain’t got shit in common. While I think he’s cool in terms of his relationship to my brother, there ain’t no way on God’s green earth that I would ever even consider considering going out with him. We don’t bring the same weight to the table. That’s what the Bible calls “unequally yoked” and what I call “No-fucking-way.” I will not support a grown-ass man with a kid that ain’t mine who may or may not work and ain’t got a place to call his own (he for damn sure can’t stay with me).  Sadly, I know a lot of women who would take him with all his flaws simply because he has a penis and they’re sick of being lonely (and he has had plenty of girlfriends and even a fiancée once). But I digress. 

Now while Mark and I have never had any chats close to discussing this (our “conversations” consist mostly of “Hey, how you doin’. Fine, you?”), I’ve been told by my brother that he describes me as being “mean as hell.” When I ask why that is, especially since he doesn’t really know me and I’ve never been anything but polite, my brother says it’s because I won’t give him any play. Doesn’t make a lick of sense, does it? I’m mean because my brother considers Mark below my standards. Mind you, Mark has never heard me say anything of the sort; he hears this from my brother. But I get painted as being mean. 

This sort of delineation isn’t new or exclusive to me. Men who want women they can’t get deal with their rejection by projecting their anger onto said women. They soothe their bruised egos by insulting the object of their desire (whether or not she knows they exist). Hence you hear some men calling women everything but a child of God, including but not limited to, “She’s a whore, she hates men, she’s a lesbian, she’s an angry (black) bitch, she’s stuck-up…she’s mean.” It makes them feel better about themselves to insist that the problem isn’t with them, it’s with the woman. 

I will say this, and followers of the Dark already know it, Mark is absolutely beneath my considerable standards. My life and comfort level speak for themselves, and any man worth his salt knows what the bottom line is before I even open my mouth. But I’m not callous enough to rub something like this in any man’s face. Mark’s issues are his own. I suppose the fear of getting shut down quick, fast and in a hurry has paralyzed him enough that he’d prefer to think of it as me being “mean as hell” rather than deal with his own inadequacies. He knows that everything my brother says about him in relationship to me are dead-ass right. He knows he doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell in getting my attention, but the point is that he doesn’t know for sure because he has never tried to talk to me like a real man should. I’m sure he knows that he really can’t step within my sphere and that is why he never tried, but as long as it’s my fault and not his, he can live with it. 

Women have gotten the short end of the stick since Lilith left Eden and Eve took up with the serpent. If insulting me helps Mark to sleep at night, I’m fine with it. I don’t mind being the villain, especially when I sleep even better than he does. 

I guess I am just mean then.


  1. Well, I say keep being mean.

    It's funny how he brings exactly nothing to the table but you're mean because you aren't trying to step to him. This reminds me of going to a friend's apartment, and she wears her head shaved, and this guy hanging out on the corner in a wheelchair, who looked more or less homeless and was hanging out with other broke-down types decided to say to her "Normally I don't like bald-headed women but you look pretty nice. I could hang with that." Yeah, she has a Master's degree from a top university and we were going into her lovely, brand new condo. But a guy who had no job or anything else felt comfortable critiquing her to her face. And I had a similar experience with a guy telling me that if I just lost some of my middle I'd be "perfect." Ugh. Again, some broke looking mofo.

    Why do men like this think that having a dick entitles them to any woman they see?

    Why do some women accept so little?

    It is a sad, sad world indeed. Everyone is allowed to have standards except for black women. I guess b/c we are so fat and grotesque.

    You just don't see anyone acting like White or Asian women are mean and uppity b/c they aren't rolling around with trifling, broke, uneducated men.

    1. "Why do men like this think that having a dick entitles them to any woman they see?"

      Especially since you can buy a dick these days, even get one customized to your preferences. So yea....they need to go back to the drawing board.

    2. So yea....they need to go back to the drawing board.


  2. ...You already know what I have to say about this.

  3. Please say more...pretty please.

  4. I'm always surprised at the level of men that have the audacity to approach us. Reminds me of the guy that approached my friend who works retail at the mall on a Saturday. Said he had 7 kids, and had the nerve to be at the mall on a Saturday with no kids in tow trying to get numbers. I can't make this shit up.

  5. V. What a woman should look for

    A. A leader

    1. The man you pick for your husband is the one you choose to lead your household.

    a. Just as the church looks for men who rule well, a woman should look for the beginnings of those qualities as well - I Timothy 3:2-5

    2. Leadership isn’t about demanding to make every decision.

    a. The worthy woman did much on her own and had her husband’s praise as a result - Proverbs 31:28-31

    b. Leadership is about guiding the general direction.

    c. It’s about going first and asking others to follow your lead

    B. A provider

    1. Christians know the value of work - I Thessalonians 3:10

    2. A person who spends more time out of work than in it, won’t be able to support a family.

    3. One thing a manager looks for on resumes is the job history. He knows that a person who bounces from job to job or has long gaps between employment won’t make a good employee. Guess what? They also make miserable providers.

    4. Actual case: “Ok, my fiance and I have been living together for almost six months now. We are not married. For a while I let myself get away from God and I didn't care if we were living together unmarried. I'm trying to get closer to God and receive forgiveness for my sins. I know the Scriptures quite well and what it teaches about fornication. We are living in sin and I cannot ask God for forgiveness unless I turn away from my sins. That would obviously mean that we would have to get married. The only problem is, he doesn't want to get married right now. It's not that he's not ready, it's just he's scared his dad will take him off medical insurance, auto insurance, and his phone bill. I know he has to get his monthly medications, but he has a good job and his doctor even told him not to worry about it, that he'll get his medications with no problems. ... I'm so confused and worried and hurt. God has told me plain as day that I cannot continue living a sinful life.”

    5. My reply: “Do you realize something? Your boyfriend is putting money before you and his God. As you pointed out, it isn't that he can't afford insurance and medications. It is just that once he marries, mom and dad aren't going to cover some of his bills any longer. That is more important to him than marriage to you and that is more important to him than going to heaven. And this is the guy you want to marry and raise your children? It is guys like him who give Christianity a bad name. He is claiming to be something that he isn't living. The standard word for that is "hypocrisy." He is just playing at Christianity, just as he is just playing at marriage.”

    6. A person who thinks too much about money is not a good provider because he is reluctant to spend money when it is needed.


    1. C. Security

      1. Ladies, you want a man willing to give his life for you - Ephesians 5:25

      2. If his goals and his desires are always first, then he isn’t good husband material.

      3. A wife needs an environment where she can focus on her duties in the home and trust that her husband is handling the outside world.

    2. By "duties in the home" if you read the rest of it. He explains that its really a woman being her. Without having to worry about babying a grown man

      III. Actions

      A. Industrious

      1. Marriage is two people working together in a family

      2. Look at the description of the worthy woman - Proverbs 31:13-19, 27

      3. Laziness bring poverty - Proverbs 24:30-34

      4. A person who spends most of their time in front of a video game isn’t going to make a good spouse.


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