5.08.2012

Wow...Men...Hmph...*rubs temples*

Let's start with the roommate.

Last time, she was trying to have a casual arrangement with a 55-year-old fellow African and things didn't work about because dude thought he was going to be in control of the relationship.  Um...yeah.

So her next attempt was with a white guy, aged 44.  He'd just come back from living in France, Spain, and Portugal over the past few years, and he absolutely didn't want to date an American woman.  On paper he sounded liked an educated, well-off, very civilized individual.  Turns out, he sucked all the way through school and has a good paying job basically because he's white, he's a recovering alcoholic (alcoholism killed his wife), although he lived abroad for years he only speaks English, his table manners were atrocious, he wears clothes with holes in them, he refuses to buy a car or cell phone (though he didn't mind getting rides from the roommate), and liked the fact that my East African roommate - born and raised and darker than Moi - isn't "really Black" because she's "too sophisticated".  He also referred to himself as her "cracker" and he whined all the time about everything.

Now, right before the roommate dumped him, he was grilling her about her past relationships.  His intent was to show her that she needed a good white boy because things had failed with all those Black men.  So right before Roomie kicked him to the curb, she stated flat-out that out of all the men she'd dated, this white guy - her first - was the least educated, and made the least money, compared to the Black men (both African and American) that she'd been with before.  So to his horror, he learned that dating him had been a step down for my roommate.

Now...let's move onto my coworker.

My coworker is a beautiful, very slender sistah who just found out a few weeks ago that she's pregnant (she's five months along so far).  She found out it's a high-risk pregnancy, and she's borne the problems very bravely.  Now, the father of the child recently gave her a speech about how he'd never date a Black woman again (and all that jazz).  Baffled, my coworker pointed out he was borne of a Black woman, and that she, the mother of his unborn child, is also a Black woman.  To which he replied, "Uh...yeah.  Good luck with that."

Turns out, their "relationship" was never serious to him because - *drumroll* - he's already married, and they couldn't be together anyway.

Luckily, my coworker's family has been very supportive (especially her mother), but she's unhappy about the pregnancy.  It was totally accidental, the father is an asshole, and she's not where she wants to be financially.  Top it all off, she already has a 6-year-old, and now she has "to start all over again."

Wow...*rubs temples*.  Why do women even bother?

23 comments:

  1. this guy sounds like that post you made about why black women don't date white men

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  2. Damn, just....damn.

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  3. So . . . regarding the second friend, she hadn't considered an abortion? I mean I understand the procedure isn't for everybody but you've listed quite a few reasons why a woman would seek one.

    And regarding the first guy situation: "He also referred to himself as her "cracker". . . "

    That would have sent me running. I don't want my bf to glorify himself like an ancestor who whipped my ancestors and probably did much worse.

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    1. I think she would have considered abortion had she caught in time. She's already almost miscarried once though, so something tells me this baby might not make it.

      My roommate laughed about the "cracker" thing, but I too was severely perturbed.

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    2. Oh I see. Sorry to hear that. I hope your friend/coworker will be all right. Her situations seems especially stressful and disheartening.

      Maybe cause your friend doesn't know as much about the history of slavery in the US it's easier to laugh at. But yeah, I would have dropped that guy immediately. He's possibly the worst white guy she could find.

      I remember your post about white guys generally being seen as a last resort and blasianbytch said a similar thing and I understand the sentiment much more now. For me as well I wouldn't even try to touch a white guy if he's standing an inch in front of me. Very much a last resort, and even some other MOCs are as well cause they can have all kinds of anti-black sentiments. It's bad enough being a black woman in the US I don't want to have to deal with that shit at home and when I'm with my man.

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    3. There are reasons why good white guys (for POC) are called "unicorns" - they're fucking rare. They exist, but they are fucking rare as hell, and a hetero woman of color of is more likely going to find a healthier relationship with a MOC.

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    4. Maybe cause your friend doesn't know as much about the history of slavery in the US it's easier to laugh at. But yeah, I would have dropped that guy immediately. He's possibly the worst white guy she could find.

      She didn't know what he meant when he said she wasn't "Black." The Eldest Sis and I had to explain to her what he meant and why it was seriously fucked up.

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    5. It's so sad how many BW wind up in bed with white racists in 2012. How can you not know that someone telling you that you aren't like the rest of the dirty Negroes is extra racist? I wonder what percentage of people are flattered by those kinds of "compliments" where they get singled out by white people as being special?

      I hope she doesn't wind up with another one. Did she understand why he was a big racist when you and your sister were done?

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    6. I wonder what percentage of people are flattered by those kinds of "compliments" where they get singled out by white people as being special?

      Quite a few. Quite a desperate few.

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  4. Shit. I'm not in either scenario, and I feel like knocking back a rum or three. Good Lawd! O_0

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    1. Right???? When my coworker finally told me about what was going down with the father, I was like, "What???? That's so 1990s/early 2000s."

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    2. It's kind of deep that he would have the nerve to say "good luck with that" to someone who is carrying his child.
      I doubt he has much, but she should sue for child support just to get it on the books, although I recall my friend having a co-worker whose 2nd baby daddy quit his JOB in an effort to eliminate his child support payment.

      But yeah, nope, it's not just her problem even if you aren't married to her and don't want to see the baby.

      There is no way any of this is a surprise to her though. I don't believe that he was ever more than trifling.

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  5. Roomie needs to just do her thing and let herself be found. 'Cause, as my mama always told me, if you look for trouble, you will fo' sho find it. This be the case with her. Thank goodness she's a member of the cutabruh tribe.

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    1. She's exploring the casual dating thing right now, getting her feet wet, honing her skills, and learning new things.

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    2. She learnin', all right. Best to keep a pair of sneaks handy for when she's got to tuck tail and run. Dating nowadays just isn't worth all the trouble. I understand why a lot of people, men and women, choose to go online to find a mate. Because this whole random dating thing is played.

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    3. Oh, online dating has some huge pitfalls, boo.

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  6. How does a married man have enough time to have a relationship where a woman gets pregnant? Where is his wife while he is rolling around with this lady? This guy sounds like a total loser who I'm sure didn't do anything other than put P in V. Why are they settling for so LITTLE?

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    1. RIGHT????? I looked at her like, "Huh?"

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  7. So in the case of the second scenario with the coworker she was good enough to fuck but not date...Cause she's black...My question was why was this not found out BEFORE she fucked him? DAYUM...I been married for almost 11 years and seriously would contemplate the nunnery at the prospect of ever dating..Ain't enough money or fame in the world to get me to go through that mess.

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    1. And why wasn't every possible level of protection used?

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