7.12.2012

Man vs. Money, an informal poll

So my friend posed a question to me and another coworker which basically went as follows: if someone offered you either a high-paying salary (pick a number high enough to solve all your problems) or a really awesome man who didn't have a whole lot of money, which would you go for?

I picked the high salary.  So did our mutual (female) coworker.  ...So did my mama.

My friend was utterly appalled.

Before I continue, I need the broke, single folks to respond - lesbian/bisexual sisters included - which would you choose?  The high-paying salary (remember...enough to solve all your problems) or a really awesome significant other?

Say which and why.

37 comments:

  1. So you can either have a lot of money and no significant other or a significant other and be poor? Money ain't everything, but it can get you almost anything. I'm broke and single right now, perfectly happy with the single part, not so much with the broke part.

    I'd choose the money any day.

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  2. Alex RaventhorneJuly 12, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    If the man was guaranteed 100% completely awesome in every way, then I'd pick him, and take out life insurance on him, so if he died before me I'd have the money anyway :). In all other cases I would shove the man away and run for the money. Seen too many guys who looked awesome in the beginning and ended up being a downer to a woman's life.

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  3. The money. I'm fresh out of school, and starting out a little later than most. With a high-enough salary, I could get enough solid investments started to keep my mum (and me, later on) sitting pretty until we both croak. I'll just piggyback on Alex's last sentence as my reason for going the C.R.E.A.M. route.

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    1. Just to add - my current problems include choosing between medication or bills, and severely rationing my meals to make food stretch. So, yes, high-salary please and thank you.

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  4. High salary. It's better for my health and can get me a lot of opportunities. Like comfort, books, funding things I believe in...

    I don't really need a significant other, awesome or not, and even if I choose the money I can still get one at some point in time.

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  5. The high salary, of course. For me, an handsome man has almost no value if they come up with a shitty personality or background. Beside their attractive face and their hot body, there's nothing interesting with good-looking people if their only good quality is their appearance. So yeah, the money, anytime.

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    1. I forgot to explain why. Basically I'm broke. I just got accepted in Law School for this fall. My parents don't have a lot of money so I got help from the government and they gave me a loan (I'm from Canada). It's great but...A loan is a loan and not a gift. Also, I'm getting my own apartment since there is no more rooms available in the dorms. Combine all this with the grocery and all the basics expanses that I will have to pay by myself and you get the reason why. So the smarter, better lover, younger version of James McAvoy could magically appear asking me to be his significant other...I would still take the money.

      Pardon my poor english

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    2. Just to clarify, the man/woman in question is not simply pretty. In terms of intelligence & personality, they're quite amazing an you get along perfectly.

      Cograts on entering law school.

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  6. My father left my mom when my siblings andI were young. I recalled the financial burdens she had to deal with, worrying where the next meal was going to come from and how the bills were going to get paid. Beforehand, my dad wanted her to be a stay-at-home mom, and she went along with it because of a bad experience my brother had at his nursery.As time passed, he began to realize that raising a family of four would become cumbersome so the best that he could do..LEAVE!

    Don't get me wrong, I still applaud stay at home moms,but I would prefer t to be an " optional" mom: He respects me for working or if I were to stay home. After the crap my dad pulled( I have since forgiven him three years ago for his crime), I made up my mind that I want to work til the end. I know that there are a lot of men who are not like my dad,but I still get goosebumps being a stay home mom. If I had to be a stay at home mom, I would rather work from home.

    If I were your friend, I would go for the job and hope that he will respect her for it. It may be the job of her life time.Besides, the economy is bad. She'll need the money.

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  7. The dude would have to be perfect, I have a decent job with good benefits. I got debt but I can pay my bills on time. So maybe I'd choose the dude. The maybe is cause there is no guarantee he won't randomly drop dead or run off with another woman.

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  8. I am one of the few leaning toward the man, but I would choose the money. There are many variables that can influence the progression of a relationship; finances, and children are some. Bad finances plus kids are not a good combination. Mr.Awesome might change his tune in time. I am not going to put my faith in a relationship. Money on the other hand provides freedom. It also means that I can help my family and, provided that I manage it well, it will last a while.

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  9. Y'all are killing me.

    The man/woman in question IS perfect. They are just what you want in a mate, except they lack money.

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    1. I can't love him properly if I'm borderline starving* now, can I? Perfect Mate is of no use to me if I'm cranky from trying to stay alive (and sane).

      *Not even exaggerating. I haven't thought about food so much in my life, before the Great Recession struck.

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  10. *Happily takes the salary without batting an eye* Being single is actually better for me anyway.

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    1. Sorry, I thought I put it in. It's Lifecoaster. ^_^

      Perhaps I seem harsh for taking the salary, but as a college grad who plans on going to med school, I need a lot more than love to get by. I'd rather be established and alone than have a great man but.we can't eat. I personally do not find the "Let's be broke together" mentality romantic at all.

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  11. You have to ask???

    As my mama famously said, "Love will give you a thrill, but it sho' won't pay no bills."

    Besides, I'm selfish and I lack the ability to commit. 'Nuff said.

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  12. High paying salary. It'll solve all of my problems including affording a naked Daniel Craig who would be handcuffed to my bed.

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    1. Denny, you took the words...except the naked man chained to my bed would be MEN, and the list is a who's who of eternal male hotness...refer to At the Bar for said ongoing list of hotties.

      I mean, we're being real here. In these arid economic times, a perfect broke man isn't really perfect, is he?

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  13. I'd pick the money and wouldn't give it a second thought. You know, you have to be careful about letting these man-boys into your life. There is a big difference between dating/marrying someone who just makes less than you versus someone who can't even take care of himself. And there is nothing perfect about that.

    Just anecdotally, I'm known a couple of women who married those men, and you know, there are too many problems to list. For one, their men seem to spend money a bit too freely and easily-I guess it's easy to let it slip through your fingers when you didn't put the effort into earning or saving it. They also, probably b/c their mothers and other girlfriends "take care of them" just tend to be REALLY self-centered. So some of these women wind up putting their own needs and wants on the back burner b/c of the giant, financially unstable man-boy that they always say yes to.

    I think of the women who had an MBA and a six figure salary who married a guy who had never been financially solvent, but she drove a 10 year old Honda while he got a new Escalade. Or suddenly the int'l travel that she'd discovered after grad school become unaffordable but "baby boy" got a new motorcylce, the latest Sean Jean gear, a $1000+ watch, and anything else that he wanted. When her company was purchased and the new company offered her a promotion that required moving out of state, he REFUSED (when he works, his income is about 1/4 of hers). He didn't want to leave. Instead, they did a short sale on their house and moved into an apartment, b/c he could not pay the mortgage, or perhaps didn't want to have to budget his money to do it. She got a local job many months after but she took a 7 year hit to her credit for this fool. She won't be living in a house again any time soon. Funny, she'd owned 2 houses by herself before she got married(and ones that cost more than the last one). All it took for her to lose the third one was to tie herself to this man.

    I know other insanely successful women married to ne'er do wells who would be homeless without them, and I don't know what could possibly be perfect about that scenario, b/c I do seem them cater to these men and baby them and regularly put their needs first as if they are too helpless to function. (So I think of running into a college friend at reunion and looking forward to chatting with her but she literally popped into and of the reception b/c "she'd had her poor baby out since 8am and she needed to get him fed and let him rest." See, a man who had to do a hard day's work would be used to a long day and sometimes you work so hard that you do have miss or postpone lunch. You take children home to feed them. They should not skip meals. I could not imagine how she didn't feel stupid acting like this 6+ tall man couldn't got a couple more hours without a meal (the event actually had really nice hot appetizers, drinks, and desserts-most of the rest of us hadn't eaten a real "meal" yet either). That is what hard working folks to...not to mention the ones who get no meal break or can't afford one).

    So I wouldn't pick this ever, but if you do, just imagine what is is like to have a fully grown baby sleeping next to you, who would be homeless and starving without you, and then think of all of the things you don't do because of him, and all of the times you'll put his needs ahead of yeours b/c I GUARANTEE that you'll become one of these women who will claim that what she wants isn't affordable, isn't important, or there isn't time to do it while he buys what he wants and spends his days indulging himself.

    I think the BEST illustration of this is that Dave Chapelle skit where he gets Oprah pregnant, then moves in and starts acting all kinds of crazy with her money while she is out earning it. Say what you want, but a lot of women are living that every day b/c they picked "perfect man" over salary.

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    1. Once again, this one's not a "man-boy". The option is, high salary versus the type of man/woman you've always wanted. Hard-working, but not wealthy, kind, compassionate, intelligent, etc. They don't waste money. They're not immature. They're neither selfish nor disrespectful. They are exactly the type of person you've always wanted to be with. They just don't have a lot of money, and that's technically not a flaw.

      In short, there's nothing wrong with the person in question. It's just that the person approaching you with the option (almost like a genie) asks: if you had to choose between either a high-paying salary or this person, which would it be?

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    2. Oops, sorry. I'd still take the salary.

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  14. What I'm seeing is that people are trying to find fault with the man/woman in question in order to feel even more justified in choosing the salary. Don't do that.

    The person is as humanly perfect as a possible. They just don't have a lot of money, and that doesn't make them worthless or useless because they are a hard-working, financially conscious person.

    For example, I'm hard-working. I stay in my financial. But I'm not rich. And so goes the story of your average person.

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    1. Well, I guess how I'm reading it is making me biased. I mean, you are hard working and intelligent and educated. So that kind of person who works hard but isn't rich is fine. Like a teacher or social worker.

      But like you said, too many of us, myself included, are making a backstory to explain why the person doesn't have money, and that is colored by what we see and experience.

      So for me it's the uneducated, broke, lazy guy, but that's not who you are talking about.

      I guess I still would hope that a not rich man could still provide some stability if something happened to me, which is why I'd rather have the salary.

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  15. I'd choose the job/money.

    I'm in my mid twenties now and needs to get my own place which goes with a good job, well better that what I've been doing. I want to go ahead and be independent, travel, and why not help my parents if possible. Though we're not poor but certainly broke for a while.

    Men...well, I'm not "planning" to get married (not anytime soon anyway) so romantic relationships can wait. I need to get my life together now. I've never craved a relationship to begin with, and didn't do anything in that aspect, though I'm curious about it. I'm okay with my celibate status.

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    1. I meant that a lot of my salary goes to helping my parents/paying the debts and that if I choose the high paying job, I'll be able to help them live more comfortably.

      Also, they're strict and old school...overprotective...I don't want to have them minding my business with a boyfriend.

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  16. I'll take the man. If he is my perfect partner and he comes with no cash that is fine. I'm not helping any wings right now anyway!! I expect us to grow and fulfill our potential together with love and mutual support and have kids as and when. If he is my perfect partner that's what will happen. Truly that'd be my idea of heaven, to achieve our goals and dreams together as a unit, by each others side with love support and care. Money doesn't really matter in the long run, apart from bills and healthcare it can be a filler and distraction from the lack in your life. With my perfect man cash isn't a consideration!!!

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  17. That was meant to say helving the wonga

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  18. Brit slang! It means having lots of money :)

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  19. I'd choose money. I can always get the money to do what I want and need it to do when I want and need it to do it. I'd never want to control another person like that, though, and I wouldn't expect to. I guess I'm trying to say that money can satisfy most of my physical needs, a man/woman can only do so much.

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  20. I LOVE this question! It took me a while to really think this one through, because I HIGHLY desire being in a relationship with a man right now. It's on my mind more often than I care to admit. Having said that---I'm SUPER broke. These student loans have GOT to get paid and having money would certainly help! LoL. So yes, I would choose money over having a man. Money could afford me to date who ever, whenever, where ever. I'll take that money and travel the world and date a man on every continent...mmmm....yea I like that fantasy.

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    1. I HIGHLY desire being in a relationship with a man right now. It's on my mind more often than I care to admit.

      That's okay. Don't be ashamed. Here at TBGC we're not anti-dating or anti-marriage. We're anti-settling and making short-sighted decisions.

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  21. Ankh, we should write a Mission Statement for TBGC. Just so it's clear what we do here. I'll give it some thought.

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  22. At first, I would say money, but it completely overlooks the value in human beings that relate well to each other. If this guy is the perfect guy for me, it would solve ALOT of problems. You could only choose the guy if you know exactly what you want though.

    Almost all wealth on earth is made between people who atleast jibe well.
    If we are a perfect match, then I would take the guy.

    As long as we live within out means, or even work well in a business, we would do well.

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