12.19.2012

Black Dating, an Experiment

If you haven't been to this blog, you gotta go:
About Black Dating Experiment

Black dating experiment is a blog run by two sisters, one black and one white. My name is Maria and I was brought up in a multiracial household here in London, UK. My mother and father are both white but since I was 5 I have lived with my father and his black wife, who I call my mother. My sister Claire is fully black and theoretically my step sister but we consider ourselves sisters having been raised together from a young age. We have 3 younger mixed siblings who are the product of our parents marriage.

My sister is beautiful, smart, cultured and eloquent. One day she joined up on a dating site. She expressed her disappointment at how very few black men were interested in dating her. The ones that she messaged first would very often ignore her and the ones that did express interest were not that interested, seemingly expecting her to ask them out on dates. She said that she got the feeling that a lot of black men held great disdain for black women. I found it hard to believe that what Claire was saying could be true so we set about (albeit in a deceptive manner) discovering the truth.

I set up a profile myself (as a chick called Lauren) making it very similar to her own profile. We are both the same age (30) so I left the age the same. The results were astounding. I started off messaging the men that had ignored her to see if they would bite, and bite they did. We then set about wooing them and then throwing stereotypes at them and cussing black women to see if any of them would stand up for black women or themselves. I was very disappointed to see that virtually all of them did not (JUST ONE DID so KUDOS to him). They were so desperate to bag a blonde beauty that they laughed off any insults and begged Lauren to meet, even when she would pull out her gold digger card. A few of the guys Claire even spoke to on the telephone pretending to be our blonde beauty. She continued in the same vein on the phone and still NONE said a thing. It is truly shocking.


See the results below and thank you for reading. Please note: Each post must be read from the BOTTOM - UP.
Check this gem right here, from "He Loves His Sisters Dearly Even With Attitude and Bad Weave"

17 comments:

  1. Who or what raised this 'men'? I need to know. As much as my father did me a helluva lot of wrong, I'd be kicking a bastard to the moon if he went off on how 'black men are so @^%&*' and he's my winning ticket. My God...is the need for something white on your arm THAT great that you'd lap up their shit and call it hot chocolate?

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  2. Whenever I read stuff like, I'm always amazed of how bold guys like this can just blatantly go out and just tell a woman (or man if the topic was about it)how bad Black women or just in general, a Black person speak disparagingly about their own ..no matter what part of the Black diaspora they are from..like that. Then they are being told TVs they are nothing. Amazing!

    My father walked out my family when I was a kid as well as other so callers that I call that. He not walked out physically but also mentally, spiritually,emotionally and financially.It was very hard for my mom and us. After that irresponsible stunt that he pulled, I can say that it left all of us what I would call "racially vulnerable". I lived in a White community ,my Black father walked out on us and so on. I remembered being proud of who I am,but not understanding what it was to be proud because of Black people like those guys mentioned on that blog.somebody who knows who know who they are,but are anti-Black at the same time. My mom may had have some negative feelings about my dad(and though my dad wasn't right, he had some about her) it never turned to an anti Black slug fest. My siblings and I have dated/married interracially, interculturally and the same race. No matter how good/bad things were, it never made me(and my siblings) so mad that I would go a member of another race and put Black women down like that.It's just stupid. To me,when you do that, you're not only putting yourself down,but they're 're not showing yourself to be strong Black men.

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  3. Maria said she was about the same age as her sister Claire, which means 30. I'm supposing that they're messaging men who are the same age and older...it's one thing if a teenager or 20-ish guy act this way to get some pussy, but a grown man? Ok, I'm probably naive at this point...these men sound desperate with some self-hate...yeah, looking down on black women counts as self-hate to me, especially not raising one's eyebrow at the comments about his mother.

    I also don't understand the "ghetto" mention...are there ghettos in the UK? I don't think so, correct me if I'm wrong. Poor areas yeah, but ghettos? So easy and sad to use such a cliché for your own ethnic group.

    Now I'm going to talk about some men in my family. My male cousins...I can name 5 of them who are in relationship with non black women, one is married to a North African woman and the rest are with white women. They are young men who were born and raised here, in Europe. Almost all of them live in very ethnically diverse areas so it's not like they don't have options. I don't know what they think of black women. I don't know if all of them have dated black women before as the only girlfriends I see in family gatherings are white (and I don't stalk them on facebook). I'll probably have a conversation about this with them one day. Just so I know.

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    1. But Myra, when do you think the self-loathing begins. A person who hates black women at 18 will still hate them at 30. I'm black, and was raised around mostly white people and at no point did I hate myself or black boys. Quite the contrary...visiting places like DC or Atlanta and actually seeing cute black boys always did it for me. Age is not an excuse for that level of internalized racism and self-hatred. I always wonder how those men feel about their own "nappy hair" and dark skin. Do they feel ugly, or is it only ugly on us?

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    2. I see your point, my dad is a good example of not having challenged his beliefs on a certain topic. I could argue all I want with him on it, he wouldn't listen to me.

      Now I was saying that as you get older, you're supposed to mature, get more life experiences, educate yourself, open yourself to the world or do some soul-searching at best. Not all people do that but many do to an extent, in a natural way for most. I'm not the same person I was back in high school. I don't really have the same beliefs on everything. I've learned much better and educated myself on the dynamics of the world, why we are unfairly portrayed and treated, etc. I've never been a very confident person, and not even a confident black girl. I'm still learning and evolving for the better. That's what I meant. Even dating preferences changes over time.

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    3. But Myra, when do you think the self-loathing begins. A person who hates black women at 18 will still hate them at 30.

      Bingo!

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    4. Internalized racism is so deep with some of these men that they never open themselves up to Black women. This ish is deeply ingrained in them. There is no turning back at this point. That white supremacists kool*aid is syrupy sweet and hard to give up.

      My mother and father divorced when I was a child and he was not in our lives. Not once did my mother say anything negative about him and he still chose not to come around and be in my life. I was fortunate enough to have had my mother's two brothers who were like family to me and living in a strong community in New York with deep cultural roots helped as well. I have never hated Black men.

      If I was on a dating site and a white man said half the shit this chick did it would have gotten ugly real quick.

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    5. I meant to say my uncles were like fathers to me. Not family! lol

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  4. This is just what happens when internalized racism + sexism + colorism collides. This sort of stuff is fairly common in black/brown men. Less common in women but it does happen, especially on those any white man will do blogs written by POC women. I'm so used to see black men spew anti black woman garbage I'm not even phased anymore. Even being pro black or afrocentric does not translate to making positive comments towards black women. The afrocentric types seem to be the most color struck. Black is beautiful on men only.

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    1. @Modest-goddess, you speak nothing but the truth here. Sad truth, but truth nonetheless.

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    2. The afrocentric types seem to be the most color struck. Black is beautiful on men only.

      Thank you. Granted, Blonde Allure is a fictional character, but she's used to show us the double standard. How come black men are "beautiful", but black women aren't? What type of non-logic is that?

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    3. And here's the extra-sad thing - these same men would be HOPPING MAD to see the same black women they've insulted/allowed to be insulted with non-black men. They'd lose their entire skulls. We would not hear the end of it.

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    4. @Leo Princess. It is so true. My friends with white husbands and partners have ALL gotten that treatment.
      My friend's mom once said that a black man could have a white woman on each arm and STILL want to get in your face over your white BF or husband.
      The idea is that if they don't want us, we are supposed to be alone, or I guess at home being angry that we're so much "uglier" than white girls.

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    5. @Nicthommi - Either that, or we're supposed to be 'back-up'. You know, in case the whole 'White Mate Upgrade' thing doesn't work out. Guess they must take us for idiots, or really think that they are the only men worth having on this blue planet. Who knows? That's a level of mental hot-mess that I am not qualified to examine.

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    6. Oh, yes...the infamous "Plan B".

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  5. What's so sad is that none of this surprises me. He wouldn't even defend his own mother.

    Like Modest-Goddess Said. I am so used to this that I've become desensitized.

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