4.14.2013

So You Wanna Be Wifey?



So this morning, I was talking to my bestie.  She’s got a friend that I’ll call Sharayne.  Sharayne was upset because the man she was messing around with—let’s call him Dwight—basically told her he didn’t see a future with her.  She asked him this and he gave her an honest reply.  Sharayne proceeded to cuss this man clean the fuck out and began crying to my bestie about how she’s ready to be married, she’s been praying for a husband, and all that shit.



Y’all know how I get down.  Before I continue with this little saga, I need to provide a bit of context.  I’m a Southern woman, as is my bestie, as is Sharayne.  We all believe in God.  Though what I’m about to say I truly believe crosses spiritual lines as well as geographic ones.  Southern women, especially southern sistahs, are raised a certain way.  We’re taught to cook, clean, keep house, and be great hostesses from the time we’re old enough to walk.  We’re taught things that are excellent qualities in a wife because we’re expected to marry.  Now, not every southern woman is like this, but a great many of them are.  If you’re invited to my house, you can be sure of four things: it’s clean, it’s comfortable, there’s good food for you to eat, and I will take care of you as my guest.  I will not have anyone over to my house if those criteria aren’t met, and my southern sistahs are the same way.  It’s just the way we’re raised.

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22 comments:

  1. That was perfect and dead on about the southern women. A lot of women pray for men without thinking about what they specifically need (NEED not WANT). They will ask for someone who looks like Denzel, but forget about the important stuff. I remember a friend told me one time "don't expect a man to bring something to a relationship that you aren't willing to bring also". So do not ask for a guy who works out, has a good job, educated, and with a lot of money. If you do not know where the gym is, do not have a good job, barely got your GED, and have credit cards maxed out.

    " men will do what you allow them to do".-Too many women do not understand this. Though men are not innocent as you stated.

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  2. No, they're not. Dwight's going to have to own his part in that mess, because it takes two to tango. One reader completely missed my point because she was so tangled up in the fact that Dwight's a preacher who's having premarital sex. Since that ain't no new flavor of koolaid, I didn't dwell on that. Pastors are always having affairs, before marriage and during. I focused on Sharayne's part of the story because it is so commonplace among women who think they have to be wifed to be valued. I've got a friend who works for a prayer line and she tells me that at least 1/3 of the calls she gets are women who:

    1. want her to pray for them to get a husband, and

    2. want her to pray for them to get ANOTHER WOMAN'S husband...because she's the jump-off.

    Yeah. You read that right. Women call prayer lines and want the CSR to pray for their lover's marriage to end so they can become wifey. If that ain't a hot bowl of shit, I don't know what is.

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    1. "Women call prayer lines and want the CSR to pray for their lover's marriage to end so they can become wifey."

      *mouth wide open-speechless*

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    2. They got balls as well as a serious case of thirst! What makes them think the man won't refill their old spot if (IF!) they get promoted to Wifey? Get it together, women!

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    3. They say the way you get a man is the way you lose him?

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    4. Ask LeeAnn Rimes how that worked out.

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    5. And oh yes, the jump-off post is coming!

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    6. You read that right. Women call prayer lines and want the CSR to pray for their lover's marriage to end so they can become wifey. If that ain't a hot bowl of shit, I don't know what is.

      Oh, Amaya.....

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  3. Yes Yes YES!!! You wrote what I think and feel about this while, "I want to get married, I just want a husband" like having that will fix the problems and your issues that you have. You aren't the only one sick and tired of hearing this from friends and family.
    Like hello learn to be by yourself, learn about you and fix you before you expect someone else to come do it for you.
    Your last three paragraphs were so good that I had to copy it and put it in my quotes/wisdom to live by for my own personal use because you just get it and I wish more black female got it.
    Thank you thank you Thank You for writing this!!!

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    1. *blushes*

      Thank you. It was DEEP in my spirit and I just had to say something about it. I'm sure I pissed a lot of women off, but oh well.

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    2. Yeah..all of that stress coming from wondering if he will seek the next woman to cheat with and trying to keep up with him.What good will it do?Charles Kerault was able to have a long term affair..like over 25 years behind his wife's back. Give the credit.. nobody suspected it.Charles was smart. He never changed his pattern of doing things...the grave mistake people do when they are cheating on their spouses.

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    3. @M, Charles Kurault, and Francois Mitterand, had 2nd families. So the mothers of their outside kids were long time mistresses who knew the score and they were okay with the arrangement and never showed up to pick a fight with the actual wife.
      Mitterand's mistress and daughter were at his funeral. His wife was okay with them being there.
      Kurault's 2nd family was revealed when he died I think b/c of his will.
      That's a different scenario from two chickenheads fighting over the same rooster.

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  4. What happened with LeeAnn Rimes, Amaya? I am afraid I don't know the story behind that one.

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    1. LeeAnn Rimes had an affair with her current husband, Eddie Cibrian, while he was still married to another woman, Brandi Glanville.

      Recently, she was admitted to some clinic or rehab facility for "stress" and/or "exhaustion." Why? Because she knows how she got him.

      http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2013/01/17/leann_rimes_fears_husband_eddie_cibria

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    2. And basically, she and her husband's ex have been fighting publicly like cats in heat ever since. LeeAnn was married too but her ex-husband took his check and moved the hell on.
      I mean, I have never seen two women fighting over a man in public like that. Their fights are regular segments on gossip blogs and entertainment shows. They've all but exchanged blows. Most of it is Twitter nonsense. And all over an aging pretty boy whose best days are behind him.
      LeeAnn Rimes married a pretty boy who is a D-List actor and she is basically paying to play, and she looks like she starves herself and got some awful breast implants to try to keep him.
      If her money runs out, that guy will be gone, and it would be shocking if he wasn't taking advantage of her downtime for the same kind of extra action he got with her when he was married to his previous wife.
      Another good quote that I recall reading in an article about Marla Maples also said that Marla forgot this..."The mistress who marries her lover creates a vacancy in the position."
      And the ex-wife added to her crazy quotient by telling a reporter that she'd slept with Gerard Butler and someone brought it up in an interview and he said "who?"
      It's an epic tragicomedy really. If LeeAnn wasn't so busy scrapping, it would probably make a great country song.

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    3. "I mean, I have never seen two women fighting over a man in public like that. "

      That kills me cause 1) they are setting women back 10,000 years and 2) he is a POS (piece of sh*t) so why bother. There are a lot of other men for EACH of them to go after instead of this bum.

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    4. If her money runs out, that guy will be gone

      WHEN her money runs out. I'm surprised people still remember her name; LeAnn ain't been relevant since I was in junior high school. And since that was a while ago, that tells you something.

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    5. Girl I was thinking the same thing.

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    6. True, b/c she really seems to spend all her time in Twitter fights and taking pictures in her bikini with her loser husband.
      When was the last time that chick picked up a microphone? Shouldn't she be trying to tour or something?

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  5. A guy I once knew was in this situation. He cheated on his ex girlfriend with his current girlfriend. This was during the time when the ex was pregnant with his son. So the current Mrs. had all kinds of insecurities and acted like a psycho. She did not want another woman to look at him even for two seconds. She watched over him liked a hawk. Not that it did any good. He was still doing shit behind her back that she could not see.

    So when she found out about me being his friend, she told him to stay away from me for good. Which he did not, because he said that he liked me. But I stopped hanging around him nonetheless. I got no time for their drama. And he confessed to me that he not only was cheating on her too, but he cheated on her with the ex girlfriend a number of times. So whenever I would see his girlfriend, she would send daggers my way and I just laughed at her. Dumb ass bitch.

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    1. In the words of the now-immortal Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

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    2. Seriously, and even if that history is there, if you feel the need to spy on folks you need to see a therapist and figure out if you are just picking untrusthworthy folks or if you have trust issues, b/c you can spy all you want, a cheater is gonna cheat.
      I knew someone who had the same kind of marriage, and was basically the same as the person you describe. So I got banned, got ugly looks, was told that I was referred to as "the bitch" and really could have cared less b/c I'm no one's jump off, and yeah, there were of course loads of other chicks who weren't banned that he proceeded to engage with b/c these women always convince themselves that it's some other woman's fault that their husbands suck.

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