Bitchfest: The Tale of BYOF

Okay...so the Eldest Sis (and the youngest tiny human of my Older Sis) visited me and the Moms today and I got to talking to Eldest Sis about Dude.  Y'all remember Dude, right?  We bonded over the fact that we don't like folks to be touching us right off the bat, we agreed upon the glory of being single, and then I ran down the series of events with Dude.

So then Eldest Sis kindly donates a story of her own: recently, she started talking to a dude with - and I quote - "a body like a Greek god."  So she and her BFF, my ex-Roomie (y'all remember Roomie's dating woes, right?) were chilling at the Eldest Sis's house when he came over one night.  Adonis, as we'll call him, showed up with a giant bag of food from Papacito's.

Eldest Sis: Oh, that's so sweet of you!  It smells great.

Adonis: (Blinks awkwardly) Um...yeah...this is actually mine.  (Awkward pause)  But um...you can have a little if you want.

Eldest Sis & Roomie: *blink*

The Eldest Sis and my ex-Roomie politely decline and watch as he heads over to the dining table, sets up, sits down, and starts chowin' like it's his last supper.  Every so often, he'd awkwardly offer them a little of something, but they'd still decline.

My Eldest Sis asked me, "Now what the hell was that?  BYOF?  Who the hell does that?  You bring food to my house but don't call me or ask me if I want something...."

So if you haven't guessed by now, Ladies of the Club, tonight's Bitchfest centers on some of the most awkward experiences you've had with a significant other.

Have at it.  And if you don't date/won't date/haven't dated in a while, I hope these stories confirm once and for all that you're really not missing much...despite what the idiot box would have you believe.


  1. What in the seven layers of Dante's hell was that shit? Girl, Adonis would have gotten the stiletto boot all the way up the ass and tossed out on said ass afterwards. I can't believe y'all let his trifling behind stay in the house after that shit. Y'all bettern me.

  2. Please I've had RELATIVES do that crap!

    1. Yeah, but you expect that sort of thing from relatives.

  3. "And if you don't date/won't date/haven't dated in a while, I hope these stories confirm once and for all that you're really not missing much...despite what the idiot box would have you believe."

    Oh, trust me. I'm paying extra attention.

  4. Meanie: *blink* You can kindly turn around and get the fuuug out my house.

    My girlfriend told me of a similar situation recently like this that happened to her.

    1. My girlfriend told me of a similar situation recently like this that happened to her.

      But...how does that happen? Who DOES that????

  5. That is trifilin! OMG! That is too funny.com

  6. So I was having drinks tonight with my friend E and she donated this one:

    When she firs arrived in Houston a couple of years ago, she met a dude at the gym who took her to Chachos for a date. For those of you who aren't familiar with Chachos...just imagine THE most hood location you can go to eat nachos and boneless wings and drink margaritas. A place where there are giant padlocks on the fridges t protect the beers, but huge cans of salsa are left undefended. Where as you walk in, a large sign proclaims, "No Firearms Allowed."

    So that's the setting.

    During their date, the guy keeps bragging about all he's got, the new car he bought, the gun in his glove box, and oh yeah...he finds every excuse to wave around a big wad of cash.

    E: (thinking) Anyways...I know that's yo' rent money....

    I don't remember how the story ends 'cause I couldn't stop laughing at this point.

    1. Oh Jesus. *blesses self* So that is how the fools who flash their money on Facebook operate away from the digital devices, huh.

      And how much you want to bet that the first woman who 1) falls for his act, and 2) wakes up and leaves him will be branded a gold digger?

    2. For a man who brags about money ,he sure is inconsiderate,pompous and arrogant. You may find some who may fall for the money bit, but I wouldn't be fooled with him.

    3. @Ankh

      Okay now you have me convinced that Houston is a cesspool of men. Granted I know morons are located around the world. The minute that guy would have pulled up to THE most hood location to eat I would have feigned illness and left!

    4. Actually, her stories and my own stories have convinced me it is a planet Earth problem, not a Houston problem.
      I had to go back and read those stories b/c um, yeah.

      She was super nice b/c I'd have kicked him out. Let's be real, Stingy McTrifling would have had no problem trying to get into her pants if her friend hadn't been there after refusing to share his food.
      Who shows up at your house with food and won't share. Who shows up at your house for what he was hoping was a pop in booty call and doesn't come bearing gifts.
      These fools do not think that they even have to do anything other than breate and have a penis.

    5. No. Not all men are bad. That much I know. I know a lot women who do not have these stories. Not to say they did not pick a few rotten apples before getting a good one. And yes I've had some morons in my life, but thankfully the good ones out weighed the bad.

    6. My comment wasn't meant to imply that all men were bad, just that not all of the bad men stories were in Houston, b/c that was the previous commenter suggested. My point was that there are bad men all over, and you can only avoid them by using your common sense, b/c the stories we've been sharing weren't exactly people subtle about their worthlessness and suckitude.
      The fact of the matter is that most people are not clever enough, nor do they really have the time or energy to really hide who and what they are.
      So these stories about women getting clowned are almost always from people who knew five minutes after meeting these men that they should run screaming in the other direction.
      So if we revisit the links, it should not surprisei a woman that her married lover's response to "I'm pregnant" would be "good luck with that."
      And if you hang with a guy who will come and sit at your table or sit on your couch with a bag of food that he refuses to share with you, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to know that you don't have a winner/keeper there either.
      Actually, I'd be curious to hear a story from a women who was legimately fooled by someone who successfully passed as a good guy, b/c for all of the horror stories that I know, getting played was always a choice that the women had the option early on to walk, no make that RUN, away from.

    7. Also for some of these guys there are few consequences for being almost downright criminal in the presence of women. So why expend much energy hiding it unless there is the risk of getting in trouble or called out and kicked to the curb? Guys are comforted by the idea of having an abundance of women to choose from, so some just don't feel they have to try whatsoever. And contrary to popular belief even being in the "wifey' category does not necessarily warrant you much respect or concern from your husband.

      Man I just feel bad for young girls. I'm not ready for kids but I sure as hell am going to feel at least a bit guilty if I have any daughters. I might get lucky and my babies will be lesbians, lol.

    8. @Marona

      I heard a discussion on the radio the other morning about the term "wifey". I personally hate the term. Women think if a guy calls them that it will lead to the legit term of wife. He gets all the benefits and the woman gets nada.


      The closet I can come isn't a full on "I didn't see that coming" story. My sister got set up on a date by a church member (I am in no way disrespecting religion) with a guy in her church. To some women that would have been enough to consider him a prize catch. On their first "date" he did the whole bragging about what he did blah blah blah. Oh did I mention that he caught a cab to the restaurant? She didn't know until they were leaving and he asked for a ride! He knew that my sister has an older second car as a spare. He tried to talk her into "loaning" it to him. When that didn't work he told her maybe she needs to pray about it! She told him maybe he should pray for a ride home and left! so while it doesn't qualify for what you were looking for I do not think most women WANT to walk away because they are holding out. They are thinking that he might change or if I stick it out it will get better. Or worse the AT LEAST I GOT A MAN group.

      For those who are reading and wondering why you would go out with someone that doesn't pick you up at the house. When we were younger (parents home) that was the deal. Yet in this day and age of crazy we don't allow any man we haven't screened to know where we live. So we opt to meet someplace besides our home.

    9. She told him maybe he should pray for a ride home and left!

      OH, SNAP!!!!!

      For those who are reading and wondering why you would go out with someone that doesn't pick you up at the house.

      I dunno about this anymore...especially when folks like Dude keep insisting upon breaching your boundaries without permission. Let's BOTH bring our rides on the date. I ain't tryin' to get held hostage.

    10. Yeah, I think it's nuts to let someone you don't know pick you up from home. I have a friend who didn't understand this was a bad idea(and still in general will give someone the right resume that info without a 2nd thought) and she had a pushy non-date who dropped her off then called and said he was coming back over. She told him no, and he basically hung up and headed over. Luckily for her, when he called to say he was outside, she got to inform him that she lived with a family (which was true), so she would not let him into the house. So she lucked out that what could haven been a terrifying night with someone who had no boundaries and clearly felt entitled to something after meeting for drinks that he didn't pay for (and being rude to her friend, b/c she had intended for this to be an undate b/c the guy was pretty young).
      But that's an example of how/why you don't give strangers your address, b/c I have no doubt that if she had lived alone that guy would have tried to force his way into her home, and then repeated it.
      Getting let into your home/knowing where you live is a privilege that 99.9% of people should not be given.
      Getting into a strangers car is how you become a story on the ID Channel.

    11. @Nicthommi: Stingy McTrifling tho? I'm in TEARS...and expect to see that shit in a book at some point.


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