1.14.2014

Gabourey Sidibe Doesn't Have to Do Shit

I ain't got to do shit.

By now, you've heard of Gabourey's famous tweet to her haters, and while I loved how she handled it, I noticed that the fat police came out in full condescension mode, talking about how even though it's great she fired back, she still needs to take better care of her health.

Fuck this.

This isn't about health.  This isn't even about size.  It's about a control.  It's about leaping at the first opportunity to tell someone else - namely a woman, and especially a woman of color - what she "needs to do" with her own body.

Full disclosure: I am pro-thickness.  I am thick.  I love being thick.  I love shopping for jeans at Lane Bryant (random, I know, but true).  And I do weep (seriously weep) when a fabulous woman loses her thickness to appease the Powers that Be in Hollywood, or because some man made her feel bad about herself.

But you know what?  It's not my body.  This isn't about what I think another woman needs to do with her body.  I should be concentrating on my own damn body.  I know what it's like to be pulled in two different directions, having women tell me to slim down and having (usually traditional African) men telling me to stay exactly as I am.  The annoying part is not what people are saying, but the fact they think they should be saying it in the first place.

We all have the right to choose, and yes, some of us will choose fat.  Regardless of what we choose, it's our choice.

My mom and I were lamenting that a certain relative of ours was using drugs.  Said relative had some parasitic tendencies, and was getting on everybody's nerves.  My eldest sister said something which I was appalled by at first, but is starting to make sense a couple of years later.

She said, "So what if she's snorting coke?  Not that I even know that's what she's doing, but so what?  She's a grown woman who can make her own choices.  So long as she's doing that shit in her own house and using up her own money, so what?"

That really bugged me, but now...after seeing some (probably) broke white boy on Facebook refer to Gabourey as a "fat turd", all I can think is..."So what if she's big?  So what if her health is in danger?  That's her choice do with her body whatever she wants."

If you don't agree with it, then take care of your health.  Make sure you don't get too big.  Focus on you.  Don't wuss out and focus on someone else simply because it's so much more convenient to try to fix someone else.

This world ain't perfect, and sometimes we'll see things we wish we could change.  But not everything's up to us, and that's sort of the point.

/rant

20 comments:

  1. First I have to say Miss Sidibe looks gorgeous in that picture. Second, what bugs me about the people who insists on policing other people's looks behavior etc. is that they're always people "with a log in their eye" a person calling someone fat is usually fat themselves, sometimes bigger than the person they're talking about. Someone calling someone ugly is usually ugly themselves or uglier.( Satoshi Kanazawa, anyone?) these people are obviously projecting their own negative feelings about themselves on someone else, so I don't even bother paying them any mind.

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    1. I was so proud of the all of the big girls who came out swinging for Gabourey on this one. It was beautiful. For every fuckwad on Facebook talking shit, there were 2-3 of them ready to tell them to STFU.

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  2. People simply can't fathom why Gabourey is so happy with herself when she's so *fat*. Like, how dare she be comfortable with herself among her rail thin peers? And even worse, how dare she send a big fuck you to to her haters and the damaging American beauty standard.

    I say good for Gabourey. Also I agree that it's none of our business how she treats her body so long as *she* is okay with it. All I'm concerned with is that she's happy and continues to grow in her career.

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  3. Handclaps for Gabourney,

    I'm so sick of Hollywood being so fake until its not funny. They don't want to believe that there are some women who are comfortable in their skin that are not stick figures. When I look at some of those actresses who are stick and are called beautiful, I want to give them a meal to eat because they can look like a walking joke.

    To doctors, being overweight may kill you, but there are no guarantees that being super skinny isn't one either. Sometimes, thinking sbout my sister is a health anomoly. Since we were kids, she suffered from health scares. I'very always been thick and before she also thickened up from having kids, she was very skinny. She didn't each a lot but she loved carrots yet she almost died of sickness and she has adefective heart valve .My brother ,who was lean and me was healthy. Here's the ironic part of weight: Because of her defective heart valve,my sister's doctor told her two of the following things concerning her heart..that she cannot go over/under 140lbs because strangely, it can cause her more problem.Unless she gets heart surgery, she will have to be one heart medication for the rest of her life.

    The dangerous about this weight trip is that it could actually kill more people than help. My sister as I mentioned can't gain or lose too much weight because of her heart. Though, I'm in pretty good shape,I cannot afford to lose weight because of my frame. I'm big boned and though my health is fine, it wouldn't be if I lost too much weight...at least at my appropriate frame size .I did it once dropping to 129 lbs. To some ,this may seem good and it can be but according to my doctor I was "anorexic"... not in the way we know it but anorexic because of my frame. If I would have done it as an older 40ish woman it could have been more dangerous because of my age I had a great doctor who told me things that the average doctor won't tell you. They will tell you to lose weight but how much should you lose, can you lose it or is it healthy to lose the weight at a certain level? If I wouldn't had listen to my doc,I would probably get sick or died because of it. A friend of my moms friend,friend knew a woman who lost too much weight for her frame and age . It end up affecting her health as a result of it.

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    1. @M-You had a good doctor! Of course most people do not go to doctors. At least not until its something serious anyway. And to me that is a big problem.

      @Rose Z-The first thing I thought of is most of these people are projecting their hatred of themselves on to her. How dare she go out in public like that while I sit at home.

      As everyone said its HER body that SHE has to live with not ours. Same as with drug addicts and alcoholics. Its their life not ours.

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    2. I admit to dreading doctors,but would dread it more if I didn't go and finding out at the end that I could have prevented it.

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  4. People simply can't fathom why Gabourey is so happy with herself when she's so *fat*. Like, how dare she be comfortable with herself among her rail thin peers? And even worse, how dare she send a big fuck you to to her haters and the damaging American beauty standard.

    That is exactly what it is. How can she be so confident when they (the critics) are so ashamed of themselves. I'm proud of Gabourey and I'm glad she clapped back. They are made cause their words aren't phasing her and they will have to deal. She's big, she's beautiful, and she is making bank. She is the triple Bs and they will deal.

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    1. Funny how people seem to celebrate people like Melissa McCarthy and her being comfortable with her weight, yet Gabby is delusional for being that way. I look at how White society is talking about obese/thick people. All of a sudden, the White ones are being seen in the modeling industry. They're talking about people like Liz Tyler paving the way for it. Oh no she didn't. Black women have been doing it since I can remember. The first full figured woman I seen grace the modeling seen was a Black woman in an EBONY/JET magazine 30 plus years ago. How about Tocarra? a beautiful, beautiful full figured woman and there are many other WOC who aren't getting the deserved praise for being who they are.

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    2. Actually you mean Mia Tyler and I've never heard anyone name her as being a pioneer in plus sized modeling. Plus she is apple shaped so without having a famous name she would never have been a plus-sized model b/c they tend to stick to size 12-14 women with more hourglass shapes.
      I remember a big deal being made out of Emme in the 90's, and Anna Nicole Smith was considered an out of the box choice for Guess in the 80's. I forget what about Emme was ground-breaking though. But she was a big deal when she was around.
      And Toccara is skinny now. She still has a large chest b/c hey, that is natural but she's not large enough to really be a plus model anymore (and yet too busty to fashion work as a straight sized model).

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  5. I dislike how every time she appears with a smile on her face, people appear with daggers to tear her apart. If you are fat and dont' spend every moment apologizing and telling everyone that you hate yourself, then you get called delusional.
    I'm so tired of it. I was going to write more but we all are on the same page here.

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  6. Bing and go.....It is much easier to try to fix someone else ain't it....

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  7. To white people this Jennifer Lawrence girl is the big girl rep.....So in many white people's minds she is on the border of overweight and not just a healthy size......so to see a Gabby (who is happy and confident) blows their "minds"......They never understand Black women and never will......

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    1. They like to call Miss Sidibe "delusional." So offensive and arrogant...

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  8. UhhhHUH!

    People lost their everlovin minds because Miss Sidibe showed up all confident, happy, excited, head held high in a cream colored creation with some glamour and glitz and smiling for all the cameras.

    She was supposed to shuffle in all quiet and apologetic in a "tasteful and slimming" black gown that covered her from neck to wrist to ankles and slink quietly home afterwards.

    Oops Oh WELL.

    Go on, Gabourey - You GO!

    She is a grown ass woman and she can live her life exactly how she wants to and it's nobody's business besides. My thing is if a doc - a good doc like the one mentioned above - says you are ok and healthy at whatever size, shape or weight you are at, I'm good to go. But I'm also not going to run around asking for your medical report either, because again, it is none of my business or anyone elses.

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    1. My one complaint would be that she get a better stylist. That dress was okay, but not great. Plus foundation garments are a must no matter what your size.

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    2. I can get people not being crazy about the dress, but maybe she's not trying to be a style icon. I mean, if she's okay with her outfits, that is kind of number one.
      I love foundation garments but I see many women who are okay with their bumps showing, and again, I'm sure I do'nt have the right to police it or worry about it.
      It maybe not be how I roll, but I think it's a you do you.
      I am angry b/c I do think the people seem to be lazy or clueless in styling her . And I admit that even as someone who wears plus-sizes and who has good style, I'd be at a loss to style her. But someone should make it their job to know. I think there are plus-sized bloggers who are really interested in making sure she gets the best looks too.

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    3. @NIcthommi-I totally believe that you should dress for what looks good on YOU. Just because it looks good on Girl A doesn't mean it will look good on Girl B. In my opinion THAT is the only way to dress. Its one reason I like Marylin Monroe and Sophia Loren and Lena Horne. They dressed for what looked good on them and killed it every time. I see too many women regardless of size or race walking around with pajama pants. As my grandmother used to say looking like they just (and a few probably did) rolled out of bed. Or hair bonnets. Yes its none of my business, but women are seriously dropping the ball. You don't have to be supermodel ready 24/7, but being presentable isn't a crime.

      I'm guessing Miss Sidibe has a normal size person dressing her.

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    4. Oh, yes...the dress was a fail. Liked the color, but not the cut.

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  9. Right, but @Lor, you know as well as I do that what YOU think I should be wearing and what I think I should be wearing might be completely different. And that is about 100x as true if you are fat. Some people would have all fat women wear burqas, b/c MOST of the nasty commentary about fat women and their bodies is rooted in how offended are that they have to look at us (I'm fat too).

    So I didn't like her dress, I don't think her stylists do well with her, but I don't know what she felt when she saw it. I've never seen her seem uncomfortable or unhappy on the red carpet. So there is the part of me that wants someone to do better b/c I feel there is a huge piece that is realted to her race and weight, but then there is part of me that says, well, many women before her have delighted in being outrageously tacky so she isn't even that high up the list.

    I believe in Spanx, think all women should wear own a pair but that's not my business really whether I have to look at you or not. If I could be the Spanx Fairy Godmother I would but would also understand if I got a lot of middle fingers for it.

    You don't have to be plus-sized to dress a plus-sized person, and it doesn't guarantee you'll be good at it b/c I already said that I'm fat and while I don't like her dresses, i can't say I'd know what to do b/c her body is very different from mine, and yeah, not a stylist but I am someone who has people of all sizes regularly asking me about my clothes, complimenting them, and wanting them (so I'm going to toot my own horn and say that I must know what I'm doing if size 4's who have 1000x more clothings choices are coveting what I have on).

    That being said, criticizing her dress if fine, and it's a shame that the concern trolls who want to insult her and pretend they know her medical profile get conflated with the people who just know that a better dress with a better fit should have been found (I still don't get the alterations from the original dress).

    Also, "normal" sized?

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    1. (so I'm going to toot my own horn and say that I must know what I'm doing if size 4's who have 1000x more clothings choices are coveting what I have on).

      I'm a healthy girl living in a world where a lot of people are smaller (and of course, shaped differently) than I am (and in this, I include white folks). Sometimes I wear my girdle and/or corset, and sometimes I don't; it depends on the situation. (I don't do Spanx) Ain't nobody for miles around got a rack and stacks like me, so you best believe I use that to my advantage when I go hunting for clothes. Some women have tried to throw shade because of my size, but it falls on deaf ears when their husbands go out of their way to compliment me...and even ask me when I get my clothes.

      I know my body and what works for me, and I feel that every woman, regardless of her size, should know that information. Gabourey shouldn't have to depend on a stylist to tell her what works for her; only how she should refine it. That dress wasn't poppin, but that's my opinion. She may have chosen it for whatever reason, and all that matters is how she feels.

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