(h/t S Baldwin)
...Another issue with most discussions about interracial dating is that the parameters of the conversation are heavily founded on anti-Blackness. When I am asked about interracial dating I know that the person asking me is looking for a certain performance.
Black women are expected and in fact encouraged to assume a kind of mercurial hysteria surrounding dating.
We are supposed to deal with "reality" which is that we are ugly and unwanted. But we are supposed to exude confidence because women with low self esteems are pathetic. But then we can't exude too much confidence because there comes the meme about the independent Black woman who don't need no man.
We are supposed to be loyal to Black men. But we are expected to deal with the "reality" that there are not enough good ones to go around. We are supposed to desire Black men exclusively, but we are encouraged to believe that Black men do not make good partners because they are hyper-masculine and violent or because they hate dark skin and natural hair. We normalize whiteness by making it seem like white men are above and beyond the pitfalls of internalizing white supremacy that apparently too many Black men are wrapped up in.
Black love is tested on every side at the cost of Black women and men.
Meanwhile non-Black women (other women of color included) use Black men as a weapon to demean Black womanhood by claiming that "our" men prefer them. And then they wait for me to do the angry routine when asked if I care about who a Black man chooses to date. It's a trap. And it's one I refuse to fall in.
Here's the thing. Interracial dating does not solve any systematic issues Black women face. It never has and it never will. But on the flip side, interracial dating also doesn't exacerbate any systematic issues Black women face. Any issues that come up with interracial dating are merely a reflection of larger issues that exist regardless.
I am always amused by the argument that interracial dating means increased racial tolerance. Yet, the entire system of American slavery was built on miscegenation or to be more frank the sexual abuse and exploitation of Black women by white men. Desire and attraction have never precluded abuse and oppression. So then why are conversations about racism and sexism reduced to these things?
...So the next time I'm asked what I think about interracial dating I will ask the person to clarify what they really mean. Do they want me to comment on white privilege or white supremacy? Do they want me to talk about the devaluation of Black femininity due to interlocking forms of oppression? Do they want me to talk about how patriarchy functions within the Black community?
I have stuff to say about all of that. But I have nothing to say about who anybody should be dating.