**Think Like An Asshole**Filipino American writer and internet personality Ranier Maningding has been on the warpath in defense of Black women lately with some spot-on posts that have set Facebook ablaze. The above is almost like a sequel to his post about how Black women deserve better. And I must say, Ranier currently remains in unflinching fighting form.
*Steve Harvey and the Business of Bad Advice*
Nowadays, it seems as if every male celebrity is in the business of relationship advice.
From intimate chats with Tyrese to words of wisdom with Tyson Beckford, the advice these men give can vary from insightful to god awful. Standing at the top of the shitty advice mountain is Steve Harvey.
Harvey's "let your man be a MAN" advice jumps right off a 1940's cigarette ad for its sexism and antiquated gender expectations. Some women love this "honest" approach to dating and the notion that, while society wants women to leap forward and gain independence, in the world of Steve Harvey, reverting back to the old fashioned days of "I Love Lucy" will make you a perfect catch.
You wanna give bullshit advice? Fine. The problem that I have is the fact that Harvey's target audience (at least on social media) consists of predominantly black women. Black women are already excluded from much of the commercialized feminism (aka, feminism that gets the most media attention and funding) so to have him preach to a group that needs the support the most, is heart breaking...
It's a low blow to a group of women who have it worst in the dating game, given all the stereotypes and negativity they have to disprove.
I've met a handful of single, educated Black women who sacrificed their love life for a better career, and some of them are looking for any advice they can get. What sites should I visit, what clothes should I wear? No one is giving any decent advice and Steve Harvey is one of the only guys out there. And a lot of men like him so conversely, women think, hey, maybe this Harvey guy has a point.
But he doesn't.
Lesson: Women, you do not need to think like a man or think like Steve Harvey. Us men are the ones who need to change. Don't let assholes like Sleeze Harvey tell you any different. Like Harvey's butthole, his advice is also full of shit. (Source)
So quite predictably, the backlash came in three...two...
"What Do You Know About The Black Community? You're Just An Asian Man!"*rubs temples*
It only takes a second to snap yourself back to reality.
During my last post where I criticized Steve Harvey, a guy made a comment expressing his disagreement and, after a bit of debate, he said:
"The fact that [black people] are all here on an ASIAN man's blog about what Black people should do is EXACTLY what's wrong with us." (Source)
I have been waiting for a man - any man of any color - to "get it". While so many folks are zeroing in on the racial factor, they are deliberately ignoring the gender factor. You know...'cause sexism is dead and misogyny is just a feminazi code word for anti-men.
We don't need men to tell us how to "fix" ourselves...regardless of their color. That's all this really boils down. See, when women don't like something about ourselves, we obsess about our flaw (whether it's real or imaginary). We blog, we Google, we go to the doctor, we go to the salon, we go the gym, we go the bar, we go the ice cream parlor, we go to our friends, we go to our families, and we nitpick, and we fixate, and we drown, and we hold ourselves to impossible standards.
Katt Williams once said that (straight) men don't get hung upon their flaws; they just get over them. He's half right. Men might not get hung up on their flaws, but they sure as hell don't just get over them. When men don't like something about themselves, they obsess about flaws in others, namely women. When a man hates himself, whether partially or entirely, no woman on this earth will ever do anything right in his eyes.
Women internalize; men externalize.
Thus, Steve Harvey was actually the perfect example for Ranier to choose. Setting the races of both men aside, Steve Harvey is a thrice-divorced man telling women about what they can do better (he gives some advice to men too, but let's be real...his target audience is female. Men couldn't give a shit). Dude is thrice-divorced. So what does that mean? It means that when three separate women on three separate occasions stand before God, a judge, and a bunch of attorneys, saying out loud to your face that they ain't got time for this, you don't need to be doling out advice of any kind to anyone. You can feel free to sit this one out. If anything, you need to be the one doing the soul-searching.
I mean, think of what happens when it's a woman who's been divorced once. She doesn't even have to be famous - regardless of why the divorce happened, she gets the backlash before she can even open her mouth.
A commenter on Ranier's page flat-out stated the real reason for the backlash he's experiencing is due to the fact that he generally speaks positively about Black women (quelle surprise). And yes, he's also pro-AMBW, currently dating a Black women (last time I checked), and blogs, vlogs, and posts frequently about on the subject. So I'm not surprised he's tasting venom for it. Someone should've probably briefed him that Black women are Public Enemy #1 (until someone needs us), and anyone who says anything nice about us is going straight to hell.
After all, when you consider our original sin....
It is interesting that the only group that does not find whiteness in general and white men in particular attractive are Black women and we are harshly punished for choosing every shade of man before them.But that's a whole other topic for a whole other day.
~ Dulce Vita